Happy Wednesday everyone! I just wanted to post this quick article that has some myths about foster care. It is such an uplifting article-enjoy!
Read it at http://www.thespectrum.com/article/20110707/OPINION/107070302
-Taryn
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Our Life Story...
What an interesting past few weeks it has been. Russ and I have been consumed with filling out our adoption paperwork and getting everything we need done in order to move on to the next step in the process. We have had to fill out about 100 pages of questionnaires, dealing with every aspect of our lives you can imagine. I will share just a few questions with you that we have had to answer:
On top of that, we FINALLY got our Georgia driver's licenses last week! Most of our records and tests that we have needed to get done are finished. Our goal is to have the last bit of paperwork ready by Monday so we can turn it in and move closer towards getting our child.
- What was your childhood like?
- What were your pre-teen years like?
- What were your teenage years like?
- Describe your relationship with your parents as a child, and now as an adult.
- Describe your relationship with your siblings as a child, and now as an adult.
- What role does each person play in your family relationship?
- Please give us a physical description and layout of your home, including sleeping arrangements.
On top of that, we FINALLY got our Georgia driver's licenses last week! Most of our records and tests that we have needed to get done are finished. Our goal is to have the last bit of paperwork ready by Monday so we can turn it in and move closer towards getting our child.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Infertility Myths and Facts
One of the things that I want to do with this blog, aside from updating you all on our process, is to hopefully shed some light on infertility. Infertility is sometimes called the "silent disease", because some people believe it is too taboo to discuss. I have a big problem with that! Even before we found out about our own infertility issues, we've had a friend and a family member go through infertility. One used adoption, and the other chooses to live child-free. And you know what? That's okay! Both choices were ideal for each of these couples. Not being able to have a biological child of your own is a loss, and you grieve for the child you will never be able to have.
In light of that, I wanted to share some common infertility myths and facts, taken from one of my favorite websites, www.resolve.org. Resolve is the National Infertility Association and has tons of great information on infertility. I strongly encourage you to visit this website if you have not done so already.
Myth: Infertility is a woman's problem.
Fact: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.
Myth: Everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. (This is how I felt. ALOT.)
Fact: More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. When you seek support, you will find that you are not alone.
Myth: It's all in your head! Why don't you relax or take a vacation. Then you'll get pregnant!(Yes, we've heard this one before)
Fact: Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it. Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose infertility problems.
Myth: Don't worry so much -- it just takes time. You'll get pregnant if you're just patient. (And we've heard this one too)
Fact: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a "spontaneous cure rate" of about 5% after a year of infertility.
Myth: If you adopt a baby you'll get pregnant! (Hahaha-for those of you who continue to tell us this, STOP. Please.)
Fact: This is one of the most painful myths for couples to hear. First it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not an happy and successful end in itself. Second, it is simply not true. Studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt.
Myth: Why don't you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!
Fact: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. However, most people explore medical treatment for infertility prior to considering adoption. In addition, traditional adoption options have changed, and adoption can be more costly and time-consuming than expected. It is, however, still possible to adopt the healthy baby of your dreams. There are also many older children and children with special needs available for adoption.
Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!
Fact: Infertility is a medical condition, not a sexual disorder.
Myth: My partner might leave me because of our infertility.
Fact: The majority of couples do survive the infertility crisis, learning in the process new ways of relating to each other, which deepens their relationship in years to follow.
Myth: Perhaps this is God's way of telling you that you two aren't meant to be parents! (OUCH. This is extremely hurtful-we've heard this a few times, too.)
Fact: It is particularly difficult to hear this when you are struggling with infertility. You know what loving parents you would be, and it is painful to have to explain to others that you have a medical problem.
Myth: Infertility is nature's way of controlling population.
Fact: Zero population growth is a goal pursued in a time of world overpopulation, but it still allows for couples to replace themselves with two children. Individuals or couples can certainly elect the option to be childfree or to raise a single child. Infertility, for those who desire children, denies them the opportunity to choose.
Myth: I've lost interest in my job, hobbies, and my friends because of infertility. No one understands! My life will never be the same!
Fact: Infertility is a life crisis -- it has a rippling effect on all areas of your life. It is normal to feel a sense of failure that can affect your self-esteem and self-image. You will move through this crisis. It is a process, and it may mean letting go of initial dreams. Throughout this process, stay informed about the wide range of options and connect with others facing similar experiences.
In light of that, I wanted to share some common infertility myths and facts, taken from one of my favorite websites, www.resolve.org. Resolve is the National Infertility Association and has tons of great information on infertility. I strongly encourage you to visit this website if you have not done so already.
Myth: Infertility is a woman's problem.
Fact: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.
Myth: Everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. (This is how I felt. ALOT.)
Fact: More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. When you seek support, you will find that you are not alone.
Myth: It's all in your head! Why don't you relax or take a vacation. Then you'll get pregnant!(Yes, we've heard this one before)
Fact: Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it. Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose infertility problems.
Myth: Don't worry so much -- it just takes time. You'll get pregnant if you're just patient. (And we've heard this one too)
Fact: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a "spontaneous cure rate" of about 5% after a year of infertility.
Myth: If you adopt a baby you'll get pregnant! (Hahaha-for those of you who continue to tell us this, STOP. Please.)
Fact: This is one of the most painful myths for couples to hear. First it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not an happy and successful end in itself. Second, it is simply not true. Studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt.
Myth: Why don't you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!
Fact: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. However, most people explore medical treatment for infertility prior to considering adoption. In addition, traditional adoption options have changed, and adoption can be more costly and time-consuming than expected. It is, however, still possible to adopt the healthy baby of your dreams. There are also many older children and children with special needs available for adoption.
Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!
Fact: Infertility is a medical condition, not a sexual disorder.
Myth: My partner might leave me because of our infertility.
Fact: The majority of couples do survive the infertility crisis, learning in the process new ways of relating to each other, which deepens their relationship in years to follow.
Myth: Perhaps this is God's way of telling you that you two aren't meant to be parents! (OUCH. This is extremely hurtful-we've heard this a few times, too.)
Fact: It is particularly difficult to hear this when you are struggling with infertility. You know what loving parents you would be, and it is painful to have to explain to others that you have a medical problem.
Myth: Infertility is nature's way of controlling population.
Fact: Zero population growth is a goal pursued in a time of world overpopulation, but it still allows for couples to replace themselves with two children. Individuals or couples can certainly elect the option to be childfree or to raise a single child. Infertility, for those who desire children, denies them the opportunity to choose.
Myth: I've lost interest in my job, hobbies, and my friends because of infertility. No one understands! My life will never be the same!
Fact: Infertility is a life crisis -- it has a rippling effect on all areas of your life. It is normal to feel a sense of failure that can affect your self-esteem and self-image. You will move through this crisis. It is a process, and it may mean letting go of initial dreams. Throughout this process, stay informed about the wide range of options and connect with others facing similar experiences.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Timeline
So many of you have been asking me what happens next. I'm sorry for taking so long but I've been busy with work and then I've been just plain tired!
During the parenting classes last week, we received a HUGE packet of paperwork that we need to fill out. It's probably about 100 pages worth. Let's just say that it pretty much asks for our life story. We have 60 days to fill it out, but our goal is to get it back to our social worker around July 15. After that, we will have two more home studies which will be much more extensive than the first one. The person conducting the two home studies, I'm told, will ask us alot of questions, and will be similar to some of the questions we are answering in our packet of paperwork.
After the home studies are complete (which should be late August or early September), our packet goes before local, regional, and state approval. Once we are approved by the state (late September, hopefully!), we are then considered a resource family for adoption. Our case worker works with other case workers in the state of Georgia to find a child that matches our needs. Once they find a child, they call us with the information and set up a meeting with the child's foster parent (if they are in a foster home), our case worker, the child's case worker, and the director of the local DFCS to work out pre-placement visits. Pre-placement visits are scheduled times where we get to spend time with the child. These visits start out at just a few hours each to overnight visits.
If everything works out in pre-placement, then the child will come to live with us. During the time the child is living with us, we work with our attorney and the court to make the child legally ours. It takes approximately 6 months for the adoption to be finalized through a judge. During that time, the case worker will make monthly visits to ensure everything is going well. If things do not work out in pre-placement visits, then we will go back to the drawing board as a resource family for adoption. Of course, this is an extremely quick version of the entire process. I would probably bore most of you with all the gritty details.
My hope is that we will at least be in pre-placement visits with our future child by Christmas. Wouldn't that be the best Christmas gift of all for us?
During the parenting classes last week, we received a HUGE packet of paperwork that we need to fill out. It's probably about 100 pages worth. Let's just say that it pretty much asks for our life story. We have 60 days to fill it out, but our goal is to get it back to our social worker around July 15. After that, we will have two more home studies which will be much more extensive than the first one. The person conducting the two home studies, I'm told, will ask us alot of questions, and will be similar to some of the questions we are answering in our packet of paperwork.
After the home studies are complete (which should be late August or early September), our packet goes before local, regional, and state approval. Once we are approved by the state (late September, hopefully!), we are then considered a resource family for adoption. Our case worker works with other case workers in the state of Georgia to find a child that matches our needs. Once they find a child, they call us with the information and set up a meeting with the child's foster parent (if they are in a foster home), our case worker, the child's case worker, and the director of the local DFCS to work out pre-placement visits. Pre-placement visits are scheduled times where we get to spend time with the child. These visits start out at just a few hours each to overnight visits.
If everything works out in pre-placement, then the child will come to live with us. During the time the child is living with us, we work with our attorney and the court to make the child legally ours. It takes approximately 6 months for the adoption to be finalized through a judge. During that time, the case worker will make monthly visits to ensure everything is going well. If things do not work out in pre-placement visits, then we will go back to the drawing board as a resource family for adoption. Of course, this is an extremely quick version of the entire process. I would probably bore most of you with all the gritty details.
My hope is that we will at least be in pre-placement visits with our future child by Christmas. Wouldn't that be the best Christmas gift of all for us?
Sunday, June 26, 2011
What we learned this week!
There is really nothing else to say except...what a week! Whew! We have been so busy because we had parenting classes at our county DFCS (Department of Family and Children Services) office each weeknight (Monday through Friday) from 5:30-9 p.m. We learned soooo much more about the entire process, and now have a firm grasp on our timeline. We learned alot about adoption and foster care, because there were people in there who are interested in foster care only, as well as adoption. There were 8 people (including us) in our class and we really enjoyed meeting them. Mr. & Mrs. P., Mr. & Mrs. H., Ms. J., and Ms. G were all wonderful people with a loving heart, and we are so excited for them as they embark on their journey to open their homes to waiting children. What did we discuss? Keep reading...
On Monday, we learned more about how children come in to state foster care. The social workers discussed some of their recent cases and provided examples of how seemingly "normal" families can turn their lives upside down. Learning about how some parents mistreat their children is revolting, especially for us since we want nothing more than a child in our home.
On Tuesday, we discussed how teenagers in foster care are prepared for the real world through DFCS Independent Living Program. They teach them life skills (such as getting a job, balancing a checkbook, making a budget, etc.) that will prepare them as they enter the real world. We learned about the impact of trauma on child development, how children deal with grief and loss (and also discussed our own experiences with grief and loss of loved ones), attachments, serious emotional disturbances, and parenting a child who has been sexually abused. Yes, it happens more than we all want to know. Much more. The case worker told us that approximately 82% of children in state care have experienced some type of sexual abuse. Absolutely horrifying, isn't it?
On Wednesday, we discussed behavior management techniques, understanding and preventing misbehavior, and how to parent children of a different culture, race, and religious beliefs other than our own.
On Thursday, we learned about setting limits and boundaries, merging family systems, what the first day in our home would most likely be like, and how to be an advocate for the child.
Friday was the best because we were able to meet foster and adoptive parents and their foster and adopted children. The children were sooo cute! The parents had lots of great tips and experiences that they shared with the group.
So what happens now? Don't worry, we'll be blogging about that very soon!
On Monday, we learned more about how children come in to state foster care. The social workers discussed some of their recent cases and provided examples of how seemingly "normal" families can turn their lives upside down. Learning about how some parents mistreat their children is revolting, especially for us since we want nothing more than a child in our home.
On Tuesday, we discussed how teenagers in foster care are prepared for the real world through DFCS Independent Living Program. They teach them life skills (such as getting a job, balancing a checkbook, making a budget, etc.) that will prepare them as they enter the real world. We learned about the impact of trauma on child development, how children deal with grief and loss (and also discussed our own experiences with grief and loss of loved ones), attachments, serious emotional disturbances, and parenting a child who has been sexually abused. Yes, it happens more than we all want to know. Much more. The case worker told us that approximately 82% of children in state care have experienced some type of sexual abuse. Absolutely horrifying, isn't it?
On Wednesday, we discussed behavior management techniques, understanding and preventing misbehavior, and how to parent children of a different culture, race, and religious beliefs other than our own.
On Thursday, we learned about setting limits and boundaries, merging family systems, what the first day in our home would most likely be like, and how to be an advocate for the child.
Friday was the best because we were able to meet foster and adoptive parents and their foster and adopted children. The children were sooo cute! The parents had lots of great tips and experiences that they shared with the group.
So what happens now? Don't worry, we'll be blogging about that very soon!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Classes!
Hello all! It's been awhile since I've last blogged, but there really hasn't been anything going on. When not much happens, it makes me wonder "Is this really happening? Are we really adopting a child?". But yes, it's happening, and we couldn't be more excited!
Today, we received a letter regarding our parenting classes, which is the next major step in the process. They will be held all next week! We are sooooooooo excited! It will be interesting to see what they teach us next week about the children in the process.
I'm not 100% sure what will happen from here, so I'm not going to publicly speculate the next step on this blog until something happens.
This is just another step closer to getting our child-we cannot wait to be parents soon!
Today, we received a letter regarding our parenting classes, which is the next major step in the process. They will be held all next week! We are sooooooooo excited! It will be interesting to see what they teach us next week about the children in the process.
I'm not 100% sure what will happen from here, so I'm not going to publicly speculate the next step on this blog until something happens.
This is just another step closer to getting our child-we cannot wait to be parents soon!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Music and Videos and Stuff
It's been a while since my last post, but I have a good excuse. Honestly. A very sad event happened in our family almost 2 weeks ago. It's still hard to talk about, but all I want to say is that it hurts so much that our child will never meet this person who was one of our biggest fans throughout this whole process.
On another note, I wanted to share some of my favorite YouTube infertility songs/videos. Look them up when you get a chance.
"I Would Die for That"-Kellie Coffey (We actually saw her in concert in 2004 when she was opening up for George Strait in Tally) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ
"Infertility Is"-A great video about infertility that expresses lots of common emotions. Some of our feelings are expressed in that... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRYJdAEkBC8&feature=related
"I'm Here Without You Baby" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2wq06wSLFE&feature=related
"Infertility Journey-When the Rain Comes" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g88EmZ2YWSQ&feature=related
Obviously, these videos don't reflect 100% of my views, but they are really interesting. There are many, many more but I just thought I'd share!
On another note, I wanted to share some of my favorite YouTube infertility songs/videos. Look them up when you get a chance.
"I Would Die for That"-Kellie Coffey (We actually saw her in concert in 2004 when she was opening up for George Strait in Tally) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ
"Infertility Is"-A great video about infertility that expresses lots of common emotions. Some of our feelings are expressed in that... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRYJdAEkBC8&feature=related
"I'm Here Without You Baby" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2wq06wSLFE&feature=related
"Infertility Journey-When the Rain Comes" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g88EmZ2YWSQ&feature=related
Obviously, these videos don't reflect 100% of my views, but they are really interesting. There are many, many more but I just thought I'd share!
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