Hi everyone! I haven't blogged in awhile because there really hasn't been any good news about the adoption, and with the recent passing of Mother's and Father's Day, it was even harder for me to blog because this time of the year is very depressing for me.
I have found that, although I love spending time with my own parents on Mother's and Father's Day, these are still my 2 least favorite holidays of the year. Most of you probably won't or can't understand why. For an infertile like me, it is a yearly reminder that it is impossible to get pregnant. Impossible to give my parents that grandchild they deserve. Impossible to have a baby shower. Impossible to enjoy getting together with friends when 99% of them have children. Impossible to share pregnancy and childbirth stories with other women. Impossible for people to fathom that I have been with the same man for over 10 years and still don't have children. Impossible to have the one thing that I want the most. Do you know what that's like? Any of it? Probably not.
Many of you heard that we selected two children-one 7 year old boy and one 10 year old girl for adoption. We were told in May that our caseworker had contacted each child's caseworker and we would be receiving the full medical and psychological background on these children, and could then move forward. Just over a month ago, we talked to our caseworker's supervisor because we had not heard from our caseworker regarding these children. To make a long story short, she never contacted either one of these children's caseworkers! So, we never even had a shot at either one of these children. Now, we are potentially looking at 2 sisters both under the age of 7. If we are one of the couples that these children's caseworker is interested in, then we will be invited to speak to the caseworker. It's kinda like a job interview, because they ask us so many questions. And no, I do not know what the questions will be.
Happy Summer!
-Taryn
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Facebook statuses
Happy end of November everyone! Poor Russ is sick in bed, so I am taking care of him (well, actually he's sleeping right now). He's catching a cold and I really hope I don't catch it from him! There is not any exciting news on our child front, but I found this link on another infertility blog (which I am really enjoying right now) regarding Facebook statuses and pregnancies.
For those of you on Facebook, how many of you remember the breast cancer game where people put something down like "I'm 16 weeks and craving bananas". Read the post at http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2011/09/pretending-youre-pregnant-makes-people-truly-understand-breast-cancer. By the way, for those of you who posted that, it was very hurtful. One Facebook friend actually invited me to play that game! Ummmm...yeah, not playing that.
For those of you on Facebook, how many of you remember the breast cancer game where people put something down like "I'm 16 weeks and craving bananas". Read the post at http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2011/09/pretending-youre-pregnant-makes-people-truly-understand-breast-cancer. By the way, for those of you who posted that, it was very hurtful. One Facebook friend actually invited me to play that game! Ummmm...yeah, not playing that.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Infertility Myths and Facts
One of the things that I want to do with this blog, aside from updating you all on our process, is to hopefully shed some light on infertility. Infertility is sometimes called the "silent disease", because some people believe it is too taboo to discuss. I have a big problem with that! Even before we found out about our own infertility issues, we've had a friend and a family member go through infertility. One used adoption, and the other chooses to live child-free. And you know what? That's okay! Both choices were ideal for each of these couples. Not being able to have a biological child of your own is a loss, and you grieve for the child you will never be able to have.
In light of that, I wanted to share some common infertility myths and facts, taken from one of my favorite websites, www.resolve.org. Resolve is the National Infertility Association and has tons of great information on infertility. I strongly encourage you to visit this website if you have not done so already.
Myth: Infertility is a woman's problem.
Fact: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.
Myth: Everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. (This is how I felt. ALOT.)
Fact: More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. When you seek support, you will find that you are not alone.
Myth: It's all in your head! Why don't you relax or take a vacation. Then you'll get pregnant!(Yes, we've heard this one before)
Fact: Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it. Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose infertility problems.
Myth: Don't worry so much -- it just takes time. You'll get pregnant if you're just patient. (And we've heard this one too)
Fact: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a "spontaneous cure rate" of about 5% after a year of infertility.
Myth: If you adopt a baby you'll get pregnant! (Hahaha-for those of you who continue to tell us this, STOP. Please.)
Fact: This is one of the most painful myths for couples to hear. First it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not an happy and successful end in itself. Second, it is simply not true. Studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt.
Myth: Why don't you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!
Fact: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. However, most people explore medical treatment for infertility prior to considering adoption. In addition, traditional adoption options have changed, and adoption can be more costly and time-consuming than expected. It is, however, still possible to adopt the healthy baby of your dreams. There are also many older children and children with special needs available for adoption.
Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!
Fact: Infertility is a medical condition, not a sexual disorder.
Myth: My partner might leave me because of our infertility.
Fact: The majority of couples do survive the infertility crisis, learning in the process new ways of relating to each other, which deepens their relationship in years to follow.
Myth: Perhaps this is God's way of telling you that you two aren't meant to be parents! (OUCH. This is extremely hurtful-we've heard this a few times, too.)
Fact: It is particularly difficult to hear this when you are struggling with infertility. You know what loving parents you would be, and it is painful to have to explain to others that you have a medical problem.
Myth: Infertility is nature's way of controlling population.
Fact: Zero population growth is a goal pursued in a time of world overpopulation, but it still allows for couples to replace themselves with two children. Individuals or couples can certainly elect the option to be childfree or to raise a single child. Infertility, for those who desire children, denies them the opportunity to choose.
Myth: I've lost interest in my job, hobbies, and my friends because of infertility. No one understands! My life will never be the same!
Fact: Infertility is a life crisis -- it has a rippling effect on all areas of your life. It is normal to feel a sense of failure that can affect your self-esteem and self-image. You will move through this crisis. It is a process, and it may mean letting go of initial dreams. Throughout this process, stay informed about the wide range of options and connect with others facing similar experiences.
In light of that, I wanted to share some common infertility myths and facts, taken from one of my favorite websites, www.resolve.org. Resolve is the National Infertility Association and has tons of great information on infertility. I strongly encourage you to visit this website if you have not done so already.
Myth: Infertility is a woman's problem.
Fact: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.
Myth: Everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. (This is how I felt. ALOT.)
Fact: More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. When you seek support, you will find that you are not alone.
Myth: It's all in your head! Why don't you relax or take a vacation. Then you'll get pregnant!(Yes, we've heard this one before)
Fact: Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it. Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose infertility problems.
Myth: Don't worry so much -- it just takes time. You'll get pregnant if you're just patient. (And we've heard this one too)
Fact: Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful pregnancy. Some infertility problems respond with higher or lower success rates. Those who do not seek help have a "spontaneous cure rate" of about 5% after a year of infertility.
Myth: If you adopt a baby you'll get pregnant! (Hahaha-for those of you who continue to tell us this, STOP. Please.)
Fact: This is one of the most painful myths for couples to hear. First it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not an happy and successful end in itself. Second, it is simply not true. Studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt.
Myth: Why don't you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out there who need homes!
Fact: For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. However, most people explore medical treatment for infertility prior to considering adoption. In addition, traditional adoption options have changed, and adoption can be more costly and time-consuming than expected. It is, however, still possible to adopt the healthy baby of your dreams. There are also many older children and children with special needs available for adoption.
Myth: Maybe you two are doing something wrong!
Fact: Infertility is a medical condition, not a sexual disorder.
Myth: My partner might leave me because of our infertility.
Fact: The majority of couples do survive the infertility crisis, learning in the process new ways of relating to each other, which deepens their relationship in years to follow.
Myth: Perhaps this is God's way of telling you that you two aren't meant to be parents! (OUCH. This is extremely hurtful-we've heard this a few times, too.)
Fact: It is particularly difficult to hear this when you are struggling with infertility. You know what loving parents you would be, and it is painful to have to explain to others that you have a medical problem.
Myth: Infertility is nature's way of controlling population.
Fact: Zero population growth is a goal pursued in a time of world overpopulation, but it still allows for couples to replace themselves with two children. Individuals or couples can certainly elect the option to be childfree or to raise a single child. Infertility, for those who desire children, denies them the opportunity to choose.
Myth: I've lost interest in my job, hobbies, and my friends because of infertility. No one understands! My life will never be the same!
Fact: Infertility is a life crisis -- it has a rippling effect on all areas of your life. It is normal to feel a sense of failure that can affect your self-esteem and self-image. You will move through this crisis. It is a process, and it may mean letting go of initial dreams. Throughout this process, stay informed about the wide range of options and connect with others facing similar experiences.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Music and Videos and Stuff
It's been a while since my last post, but I have a good excuse. Honestly. A very sad event happened in our family almost 2 weeks ago. It's still hard to talk about, but all I want to say is that it hurts so much that our child will never meet this person who was one of our biggest fans throughout this whole process.
On another note, I wanted to share some of my favorite YouTube infertility songs/videos. Look them up when you get a chance.
"I Would Die for That"-Kellie Coffey (We actually saw her in concert in 2004 when she was opening up for George Strait in Tally) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ
"Infertility Is"-A great video about infertility that expresses lots of common emotions. Some of our feelings are expressed in that... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRYJdAEkBC8&feature=related
"I'm Here Without You Baby" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2wq06wSLFE&feature=related
"Infertility Journey-When the Rain Comes" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g88EmZ2YWSQ&feature=related
Obviously, these videos don't reflect 100% of my views, but they are really interesting. There are many, many more but I just thought I'd share!
On another note, I wanted to share some of my favorite YouTube infertility songs/videos. Look them up when you get a chance.
"I Would Die for That"-Kellie Coffey (We actually saw her in concert in 2004 when she was opening up for George Strait in Tally) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ
"Infertility Is"-A great video about infertility that expresses lots of common emotions. Some of our feelings are expressed in that... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRYJdAEkBC8&feature=related
"I'm Here Without You Baby" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2wq06wSLFE&feature=related
"Infertility Journey-When the Rain Comes" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g88EmZ2YWSQ&feature=related
Obviously, these videos don't reflect 100% of my views, but they are really interesting. There are many, many more but I just thought I'd share!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy Mother's Day!?!?
Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there! Happy Mother's Day to everyone who can get pregnant at the drop of a hat, or just by saying the word "pregnant"! OK I said it, now I got it out of my system. Mother's Day brings so many mixed emotions for me.
The first emotion is happiness and love for my own mother and mother-in-law. That one comes easy, I am so grateful for all they have done for us in life. Russ and I are so grateful for their support during this journey to bring a child into our home.
Next is sadness-for the last several years, it's hurt me that Sunny is my only baby. I always wondered "Why can't it be me? Why can't I join that illustrious Mom club? It's just not fair! I know I've done some things that I'm not proud of in life (but everyone does that sometime in their lives), but why does God choose to punish me this way?"
Then is hope-This is the first Mother's Day that I have considered myself a "mom-to-be". This is the first Mother's Day that I have actually not cried and been upset, so I think I'm heading in the right direction.
Happy Mother's Day everyone!
-Taryn
The first emotion is happiness and love for my own mother and mother-in-law. That one comes easy, I am so grateful for all they have done for us in life. Russ and I are so grateful for their support during this journey to bring a child into our home.
Next is sadness-for the last several years, it's hurt me that Sunny is my only baby. I always wondered "Why can't it be me? Why can't I join that illustrious Mom club? It's just not fair! I know I've done some things that I'm not proud of in life (but everyone does that sometime in their lives), but why does God choose to punish me this way?"
Then is hope-This is the first Mother's Day that I have considered myself a "mom-to-be". This is the first Mother's Day that I have actually not cried and been upset, so I think I'm heading in the right direction.
Happy Mother's Day everyone!
-Taryn
Monday, April 18, 2011
Did you know?
Happy Monday everyone! I am off from work today so I thought I would share some infertility statistics with all of you. Nothing new is happening in the process; I really don't expect much to happen until June, so we are enjoying the lull right now. In the family, we are expecting a new niece any day and are expecting our first great-nephew in July! I think 2011 is definitely the year for new children in our family!
One of my favorite websites to read about infertility at is http://www.resolve.org/. I highly recommend you visit it because most people don't know much about infertility or how it affects couples. I will post a few infertility statistics here, taken from this website and from the Infertility stats page at the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) at http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/fertile.htm.
Did you know...
One of my favorite websites to read about infertility at is http://www.resolve.org/. I highly recommend you visit it because most people don't know much about infertility or how it affects couples. I will post a few infertility statistics here, taken from this website and from the Infertility stats page at the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) at http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/fertile.htm.
Did you know...
- 1 out of 8 couples struggle with infertility? Chances are, we're not the only couple you know who has infertility issues. Most couples don't make this public.
- Approximately one-third of infertility is attributed to the female partner, one-third attributed to the male partner and one-third is caused by a combination of problems in both partners or, is unexplained.
- Number of women ages 15-44 with impaired fecundity (impaired ability to have children): 7.3 million
- A couple ages 29-33 with a normal functioning reproductive system has only a 20-25% chance of conceiving in any given month (National Women’s Health Resource Center). After six months of trying, 60% of couples will conceive without medical assistance.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Nothing yet...
Some of you have asked me whats going on in the process since I haven't blogged lately. We are still waiting on a call to schedule our home study. The one thing about these adoptions is that they take a VERY long time. But we don't care, we know all the waiting will be worth it when we get our child.
I'm not worried about the waiting yet, because there is still so much to do before the home study. The major things we still have to do are:
In other news, I am going to a baby shower this weekend (We will have a new niece near the end of April! Yeah!!) and it will probably be the first baby shower I've been to in over 5 years that I don't come home feeling depressed and wonder when (or if) we will ever have a child.
Until next time...
I'm not worried about the waiting yet, because there is still so much to do before the home study. The major things we still have to do are:
- Get Georgia driver's licenses
- Get fingerprints
- Take a drug test
- Have our car insurance changed from FL to GA
- And of course, get ready for the home study!
In other news, I am going to a baby shower this weekend (We will have a new niece near the end of April! Yeah!!) and it will probably be the first baby shower I've been to in over 5 years that I don't come home feeling depressed and wonder when (or if) we will ever have a child.
Until next time...
Monday, February 28, 2011
What a weekend!
This weekend, we went to Tallahassee to tell our family about our exciting journey! Overall, everyone was very happy for us! It was a wonderful feeling that, for a change, the child spotlight was on US!!
I know how it feels to hear that someone younger than me, or around my same age, is pregnant. It still amazes me that people can get pregnant at the drop of a hat, when they have absolutely no idea what we have been through with our infertility struggles.
I am off from work today, so we are planning to have our TB (tuberculosis) screening done this afternoon. One more thing to cross off the list! Yeah!!
I know how it feels to hear that someone younger than me, or around my same age, is pregnant. It still amazes me that people can get pregnant at the drop of a hat, when they have absolutely no idea what we have been through with our infertility struggles.
I am off from work today, so we are planning to have our TB (tuberculosis) screening done this afternoon. One more thing to cross off the list! Yeah!!
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